Today I realized how much I adore my boy...

And as I laid in bed alone...
I realized the mistake I made turning him down the first time he proposed...
I'm glad we're talking about planning a wedding now...

I've got my dress picked out. :>

Real life rants....

Some days I'm a saint in my head...looking down on everyone and then other days I'm a self destructive gutter child wanting to be on whatever it is the druggie kids are on that day.. . Not that I take it but sometimes I still want it.I get in these dreadful self destructive moods where I want to do everything possible to hurt myself...
I don't smoke but when I break down I crave cigarettes. Not just cigarettes but cloves. Djarum blacks... so specific. When I want to die I crave drugs.​.​.​something hard to leave me messed up in the street covered in grime. It's terrible I know but I'm terrible and I'm scum because I want it. Just stop wanting it. There are other ways to feel better instead of beating yourself up. How do you stop wanting something you never wanted to want in the first place? How do you sop wanting something you never tried to start with? I'm not worth much. I'm terrible I'm grime and I'm scum. I want to tear myself down and be a street rat sometimes... a swine whore... I'm not worth much and compared to me even you are worth the world.
Which is sad because you're just a parasite trying to leech off of me. What do you want today? Money? Sex?
Find another whore to get it from, I'm grime but you're lower than me and you're not worth my time..


I am nothing but a lost gutter child trying to protect my mechanical heart...
I've given it to my swine whore wind up boy and he is my valenswine...

TONIGHT...WE DANCE IN HELL....

Jesse has finally gotten his adventure...
He brought me down to Hell...
Where I ruled and had him fulfill my every dream. lol
I dunno...
We explored and it was lovely...
Except when I almost got blasted by a meteor or something. lol
We'll have to do it again.

"Goodnight sweet Prince..."

"May flights of the devil swing you to your rest."

I have a new home.
And no it has nothing to do with my quotes...
No I was simply watching Interview with the Vampire.
When I can get blogspot working I'll upload my Vamp pictures from today.

Wanna know what sucks?

What REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAALLY sucks?
Being homeless.
So since Jesse, Mikal and I cannot agree on anything house wise...
Mikal and I moved out...
I was heartbroken taking down my Griffi's beautiful greenhouse set up...
I promise once I get land of my own...
That will be the first thing to go up...
Before a house even...
Will be his greenhouse set up...
Ohh he'll be so sad when he gets on and it isn't there...
And I'm not there...

Woe is me.
T-T;
At least my family is strong.